Thursday, 28 May 2015

So I just asked!

So it turns out the easiest way was just to ask Him. I trust Him, I love Him, and I can only show that by being completely honest with Him. If I sat on my feelings for too long, then in a way I would have been deceitful by keeping my blog and my thoughts from him.

How could I ask him to by my Dom if I am not ready to submit. By submit I mean to lay my soul bare, and be honest.

So He said... That sounds like fun. LOL... I was not sure what I expected him to say. But I should have trusted in him to be ok with it.

He read my blog and agreed with how I summed up our life so far. That was good to hear, it means I was not the only one along for the ride, and we were experiencing this together.

So now what? I asked him to think about what he wants from this new arrangement. I guess I wait.

I explained that I find it easier to write this stuff down than to verbalize it. He agreed that he does sometimes too. So I am going to use this as a way of expressing what I can't say.

Topping from the bottom has always scared me. I think this fear contributed to us not communicating well the first time around. I still don't have the crux of it yet.

Slow and steady. Getting back into the mindset will take time for both of us.

I am really glad I took the plunge and asked him.... But I might want to change that answer after the first time I get my butt spanked!

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

How do I tell the man I have loved for 13yrs and married 5yrs that i want to deepen our life together by going back to D/s.

13yrs ago I met my beloved on an online dating site. Lava life. I don't even know if it exists any more.  The reason we went on that first date was because of the one thing we had in common. His dominance and my submission.  He had been in the scene for quite a few years,  with a few past D/s relationships. I had very little experience except for a few one night stands with other dominants, but nothing solid. But i knew what I was and what I needed.

He gave that to me, and we fell in love.

I have always been very independent financially and had been working full time for many years before we met. He had just lost his job,  had major back injury and neck pain. So i supported Him financially and emotionally and I guess he stopped feeling like a dom.

That was one of the factors that lead us to say way too often "life before lifestyle".  Until there was only life and no lifestyle left.

At the time of our D/s relationship he was in some ways strict but others not so much.  It was confusing for me.  We had rules (well I had rules to follow) but they were mainly around the sex side of things.  We never sat down and worked out what we wanted outside of sex. He presumed one thing and I presumed another.  When i bratted against something he wanted, rather than punishment,  he would assume that it was a hard limit and drop it. I didn't know how to talk to him about it.  We were a new couple and I was very new at the D/s lifestyle.  He was also self conscious because of the finance and his disabilitating injuries.

So fast forward 11yrs and we live a very vanilla life.   We  still sometimes have kinky sex, but that is few and far between.  Often I see that he misses it. He brought glow in the dark rope a few months ago and told me it's for me, but it hasn't come out of its wrapping yet. Our toy box got sticky taped up years ago in a move and has not been reopened.  I am afraid it will be full of dust or cobwebs. Any thing with a battery will just need to be chucked.

Some aspects of our D/s time still stands.  I always ask permission to come. I still defer to him alot. Thats about it though.

I know now when we fight its often me pushing my will when he wants to and feels like he has the right decision.  I know we would be happier if he could control that will fullness in me in a way we both will appreciate.

So, just how do I ask him to be my Dom again?