Its not like I asked him if he wanted Pizza for dinner. I opened up my heart and my inner fears and told him what I have been craving for a very long time now.
He pushed it to the side, said he would think on it.
Is he too wrapped up in his own shit, and to sunk into the way things are to be bothered to change.
I really tried. Tried to be the submissive he wanted me to be all those years ago. I didn't ague, I did everything he asked, I differed to his judgement with everything. Its like he didn't even notice.
All the while I am still waiting on him to think on it.
I know he is unwell, he is changing his meds, and my health is up in the air at the moment, waiting on tests results, and a endoscopy next week. I am not up for being intimate at the moment, and I know he is not also.
But... I don't just want to submit to him, I want him to dominate me. I am not asking for ties, whips ropes clamps... well, maybe later when we feel better. I just want him to love me enough to pay attention to me, to want to dominate me. To want to feel in charge of me and enjoy it because he loves me.
Maybe he just doesn't want to anymore. I just wish he would be honest with me and tell me how he feels about it.
Feeling crappy today, and needed to vent. Tomorrow will be a better day. :)
These things take time. It took time to go vanilla, and it will take time to get D/s back. It's easy to say I want it all now, and hard to be patient. Perhaps focusing on your mindset and things you can do until he becomes more comfortable/comes to terms with changing the relationship will do. I know my Sir and I have been working on things every day for 4.5 years, and I think I am more like you, wanting it and wanting it NOW. Sir is more careful, planned, and yes, SLOW. I think perhaps picking a couple of things at a time to focus on will help, or else it can get overwhelming. Maybe ONE rule, or one thing you can do, one thing he can do?
ReplyDeleteThanks lea. I appreciate your words more than you can know. I like one rule. I think i will see if i can talk to him about it.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed the more we have going on, the more time it takes him to make changes.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard on both sides, just in different ways. It might be that he wants to, but just isn't ready yet. Supporting him would be my advice, just be on his side--and let's be honest, that isn't always easy!! There's things I've found that help that submissiveness when he is busy...I like asking him at the beginning of the day if there's anything that needs to be done that I can do.
Thanks Misty. I think I will try that. :)
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