Its not like I asked him if he wanted Pizza for dinner. I opened up my heart and my inner fears and told him what I have been craving for a very long time now.
He pushed it to the side, said he would think on it.
Is he too wrapped up in his own shit, and to sunk into the way things are to be bothered to change.
I really tried. Tried to be the submissive he wanted me to be all those years ago. I didn't ague, I did everything he asked, I differed to his judgement with everything. Its like he didn't even notice.
All the while I am still waiting on him to think on it.
I know he is unwell, he is changing his meds, and my health is up in the air at the moment, waiting on tests results, and a endoscopy next week. I am not up for being intimate at the moment, and I know he is not also.
But... I don't just want to submit to him, I want him to dominate me. I am not asking for ties, whips ropes clamps... well, maybe later when we feel better. I just want him to love me enough to pay attention to me, to want to dominate me. To want to feel in charge of me and enjoy it because he loves me.
Maybe he just doesn't want to anymore. I just wish he would be honest with me and tell me how he feels about it.
Feeling crappy today, and needed to vent. Tomorrow will be a better day. :)