Grrrr
I work really long hours. I start at 3pm and work until 9am the following day. At 9.30 at night, I go onto "Passive time" this means, I can sleep, or do what I like, as long as I stay in the house. Then at 6am I am back onto active until 9am.
Usually then home for 5 hours and back again for another shift.
I work 7 shifts in a fortnight. I am away from home A LOT!
So why the grrrr?? I have had the last 2 days off, itching to get some loving and fun from my Hubby... and he begged off both nights!
I'm writing this and he is in bed. So I start to have thoughts in my head, stupid ones, I know. Logically I know they are not likely, but they are there.
Is he seeing someone when I am not home?
Doesn't he find me attractive anymore?
Have I gotten just too fat?
I have a tally board up, with quite a few marks, that need to be addressed, punishment owed. I know I need to wait upon his decisions.... its just.... GRRRRR
Ok thanks for listening. Next time I'm sure my post will be a bit more interesting!
Thursday, 10 September 2015
Thursday, 20 August 2015
Church candles and nipple piercings.
This week has had a lot of focus on us, where we are going, and also enjoying the ride.I told him one night in a text, I liked candle play, and could that be a possibility in the future, he answered with his usual, "that sounds like fun" I thought he would drop it, but the next day, told me it was my job to find the correct candle for the play. A little research found the best candles for play are church candles that have little additives so they don't burn too hot.
He has requested that I get my nipples pierced. We talked of this years ago, I was always weary, and he didn't push. This time I want to do it, not because I am looking forward to the pain, but because I can do this for his pleasure. He wanted to get both done, then I did some research and found that my nipples would be off limits to him for up to 12 weeks! So I asked him if he could go that long with out them.. He said, lets just do one for now! Fine by me! :)
I spoke to my husband a few weeks ago about the idea of domestic discipline, he was a bit skeptical, that it wouldn't make any difference to the things that annoy him, and, as he pointed out, had tried it before. When our relationship was new, and I was a decade younger than I am now, I was very "sassy" I knew I was a submissive, but I also knew I had a very independent streak, I had been single most of my life until I met him, and it was a sharp corner to turn.
But he indulged me and said we can keep a tally, on the white board, and then incorporate it into our play. I thought this was a great starting place.
Well two weeks later, and no tally board. I know I had earned a few, I know I left a cupboard door open and a few lights, but nothing. I didn't want to push, I need him to come at it in his own way. I cant very well dictate my own punishment...
Fast forward to yesterday, we both have "man flue", and have been using tissues, He has been using a hankie. I hate hankies and told him as much, he said well I hate finding gross tissues lying around. I said well you should do something about it. He pressed, asking what I meant, I think more to see weather I would go there or not. I said, well there is no tally board...
He said, well, lets see, you left 4 lights on last week, and left 2 cupboard doors open, and I found 4 of your gross tissues... So that makes ten and proceeded to mark it up.
Well......
That escalated quickly!
Last night I got it. Boy oh boy! He used ropes, (it was a great passion of his at the beginning) and trussed me up so I could not move. He did not tell me what was going to happen next, so when it came it surprised me. I think that was part of his intention. He laid it on me. Ten with the leather paddle, no warm up, all in the same spot on my backside very hard and very fast. I could not move. It was definitely a punishment, and I was sore for a long while after.
But it felt good to get it over with. I feel at peace now, that he has taken the reigns of this relationship and is guiding it as he will.
I don't think we have ever been closer.
I look at the news with all these cheaters with this Ashley Madison debacle, and I think, well maybe if they had sorted out who wears the pants in the relationship early and stopped fighting over power, they wouldn't need to be looking elsewhere to find it. Just my humble opinion.
He has requested that I get my nipples pierced. We talked of this years ago, I was always weary, and he didn't push. This time I want to do it, not because I am looking forward to the pain, but because I can do this for his pleasure. He wanted to get both done, then I did some research and found that my nipples would be off limits to him for up to 12 weeks! So I asked him if he could go that long with out them.. He said, lets just do one for now! Fine by me! :)
I spoke to my husband a few weeks ago about the idea of domestic discipline, he was a bit skeptical, that it wouldn't make any difference to the things that annoy him, and, as he pointed out, had tried it before. When our relationship was new, and I was a decade younger than I am now, I was very "sassy" I knew I was a submissive, but I also knew I had a very independent streak, I had been single most of my life until I met him, and it was a sharp corner to turn.
But he indulged me and said we can keep a tally, on the white board, and then incorporate it into our play. I thought this was a great starting place.
Well two weeks later, and no tally board. I know I had earned a few, I know I left a cupboard door open and a few lights, but nothing. I didn't want to push, I need him to come at it in his own way. I cant very well dictate my own punishment...
Fast forward to yesterday, we both have "man flue", and have been using tissues, He has been using a hankie. I hate hankies and told him as much, he said well I hate finding gross tissues lying around. I said well you should do something about it. He pressed, asking what I meant, I think more to see weather I would go there or not. I said, well there is no tally board...
He said, well, lets see, you left 4 lights on last week, and left 2 cupboard doors open, and I found 4 of your gross tissues... So that makes ten and proceeded to mark it up.
Well......
That escalated quickly!
Last night I got it. Boy oh boy! He used ropes, (it was a great passion of his at the beginning) and trussed me up so I could not move. He did not tell me what was going to happen next, so when it came it surprised me. I think that was part of his intention. He laid it on me. Ten with the leather paddle, no warm up, all in the same spot on my backside very hard and very fast. I could not move. It was definitely a punishment, and I was sore for a long while after.
But it felt good to get it over with. I feel at peace now, that he has taken the reigns of this relationship and is guiding it as he will.
I don't think we have ever been closer.
I look at the news with all these cheaters with this Ashley Madison debacle, and I think, well maybe if they had sorted out who wears the pants in the relationship early and stopped fighting over power, they wouldn't need to be looking elsewhere to find it. Just my humble opinion.
Wednesday, 12 August 2015
Happy little vegimite!
I want to pinch myself one minute, and in the next, I fear I have awoken the Bear!! My man is being amazing. (shhh don't tell him that tho) - Oh who am I kidding, I tell him all the time!
I have been unwell... it seems to be ongoing I know! So we have not played as much as we would have liked. But he has been great, also, really showing his dominance in everything we do. Bringing up ideas he has, asking me for my opinion. Talking about going to munches and getting to know other kinksters.
We went camping last weekend with friends, (crazy cause its the middle of winter here!) Well I say camping, it was more like Glamping. It was in an old farm house with electricity, and a working stove, a toilet but no running water. So we took up our heaters, our mattresses and bedding and spent a great weekend away with friends playing board games and Dungeons and Dragons. BTW, any who know the game will understand the irony that I am the Dungeon Master!! The only time I get to boss around my husband!
It was a clear night, on Sunday, and most of us decided to take a walk around the property to see if we could find any nocturnal wildlife. We didn't I think we were just to loud.
Hubby thought this was a great time to be octopus hands in the pitch black, only a few feet away from my friends. Groping me in so many places, I swear he grew another two hands! I am not into the whole exhibitionist thing. But this was very hot, I think because it was so open, yet still so private just for us.
He has mentioned that he would like to do some edge play. This really scares me, and I told him so, he said, that, that is the whole idea. He says its about trust. I said I would think on it. I want to give it a go, because I really want him to do something in this just for his pleasure.
I am looking forward, (and a little bit trepidatious) for the future with this new Bear I have poked!
I have been unwell... it seems to be ongoing I know! So we have not played as much as we would have liked. But he has been great, also, really showing his dominance in everything we do. Bringing up ideas he has, asking me for my opinion. Talking about going to munches and getting to know other kinksters.
We went camping last weekend with friends, (crazy cause its the middle of winter here!) Well I say camping, it was more like Glamping. It was in an old farm house with electricity, and a working stove, a toilet but no running water. So we took up our heaters, our mattresses and bedding and spent a great weekend away with friends playing board games and Dungeons and Dragons. BTW, any who know the game will understand the irony that I am the Dungeon Master!! The only time I get to boss around my husband!
It was a clear night, on Sunday, and most of us decided to take a walk around the property to see if we could find any nocturnal wildlife. We didn't I think we were just to loud.
Hubby thought this was a great time to be octopus hands in the pitch black, only a few feet away from my friends. Groping me in so many places, I swear he grew another two hands! I am not into the whole exhibitionist thing. But this was very hot, I think because it was so open, yet still so private just for us.
He has mentioned that he would like to do some edge play. This really scares me, and I told him so, he said, that, that is the whole idea. He says its about trust. I said I would think on it. I want to give it a go, because I really want him to do something in this just for his pleasure.
I am looking forward, (and a little bit trepidatious) for the future with this new Bear I have poked!
Wednesday, 29 July 2015
Slow boil... But missing posting
Life is always bringing us knew challenges, this last few weeks have been very busy, with a few emotional ups and downs. Without going into it too much, my hubby is feeling a little bit fragile, so I haven't been a pushy brat like I want to.
So I found these on PK's page and thought to put my own answers to them. Thanks PK!
This pic hangs on our bedroom wall, I love it for a few reasons, 1st, it has a black unicorn in it, and well I love putting a spin on the traditional, and 2nd it is just too raunchy with quite a bit of side boob showing, so it can't just go in the main rooms of the house. Which I kind of like, cause that means it is just for us. Sorry about the quality pic, its dark and our room doesn't have good lighting.
Hubby hates anything that is vegetable, except potato, to which he says is an honorary meat! I love my vegies. He loves beef jerky... I just cant come at the stuff.
I would love to read your answers too!
So I found these on PK's page and thought to put my own answers to them. Thanks PK!
Take a look at your walls at home. Which picture/object is your favorite and why? Bonus points if you post a picture.
What is/are your favorite perfume(s)?
I just tend to wear deodorant, but I have a huge range of perfume, I do like, but use it sparingly, as Hubby is not a big fan.
How many pairs of shoes do you own? Have you ever hidden new shoes from your spouse?
Heeps, most of them in disrepair, or one is missing. I know I should throw them out... But what if I find the other one? Never hidden any purchase from him.
Snacks - Sweet, Salty, or Both? If you could choose 1 snack, and it magically had no calories, what would it be?
I like both, but if I could choose one, it would definitely be chocolate.
What are your favorite cut flowers?
Red roses... I'm a hopeless romantic! When Hubby and I first met, one of our first dates he bought me 11 red roses, still with the thorns, he said only 11 because I was the 12th.. And the thorns were to remind me that he can bite when he wants too! (where is that man... I need to see if he is hiding somewhere inside my current husband)
Without using a real name, describe one person in your life with whom you have a hard time being patient.
My Mother in law. I know she is coming from a loving place, but sometimes I am grinding my teeth behind that smile.
What food do you love that your spouse hates? What food does your spouse love that is "yecch" to you?
What is a song you associate with meeting your honey?
My sacrifice by Creed. When we first met, it was popular, and we both loved it. It also summed up how we felt about each other and our special D/s bond.
Do you have a favorite movie that you like to watch every few months or once a year?
Rocky Horror Picture show! I love that movie, it was a real eye opener when I was young, and it was one of the things that we both talked about when we met. I have the music on my phone and know all the songs. I love the classics too like grease and dirty dancing. I guess I'm just a sucker for musicals!
What collection(s) do you have? How did your collection start? (Add a picture if you like.)
Board games. We are really building momentum with them now, its a fairly new habit, but we seem to be buying one or two every month or so.
Where would you like to go on your next vacation? Is there somewhere else on your Bucket List?
Without question, We would love to visit Iceland and Finland. So many reasons, but this picture sums it up nicely.
If you could only buy clothes at one store, at what store would you shop?
I really am not a fashionista. I love a bargain though, so as long as I would be getting value for money and nice comfortable clothes, I would be ok.
What gift(s) from your spouse have been the most loved and appreciated?
For my 40th birthday, he got me 2 expansions of my favorite board game Dominion. It doesn't sound romantic, but it really was thoughtful, especially as he is not a big fan of the game, and knew he would have to play it with me.
Name one item of your spouse's clothing that you would love to throw away.
He has recently lost a lot of weight, and has some very baggy cargo pants. But because he hates shopping, its very hard to replace them.
What is the submissive action (or inaction) of which you are most proud?
This is a hard one to answer, I cant say I am proud of anything really, as we are starting over and it has been many years since we really stepped back into these roles, I would have to say, lately, it would be accepting the pain, and taking it as far as he wanted to go, trusting that he would not go to far, and would know my limits better than I do.
I would love to read your answers too!
Tuesday, 14 July 2015
And... We're back!
Im grinning as I write this. Finally Hubby has come around to the D/s lifestyle that brought us together in the first place. A few nights back, whilst lying in bed, he said, lets clean out the toy box!
OH MY!
As expected, there were a few toys that got thrown out, that had old batteries in them, or just were starting to loose their integrity. None of the floggers, whips or paddles were broken tho. He had to check each one out just to be sure. (on my backside)
Then I got to choose what I wanted to play with! I chose the soft leather flogger (I know Im a wimp) and the soft cuffs. He chose the leather paddle also, cause he said, I was wimping out... (which I totally was)
We both loved it!
This was a few days back, I work as a carer, and am away from home 7 nights in a fortnight, so we haven't found more time to play again, but I know we will.
He found a shackle that he had made years ago, in the box that was not finished, Its wooden, and clips together to hold my wrists, like mobile stocks. It wasn't finished, he wanted to line it with leather and re stain it.
I noticed the other day he has started on this. This is a very good sign. It means he wants this as much as i do.
I really was worried, I was pushing something on him he no longer wanted. But I am glad to be pleasantly surprised by his enthusiasm. When I say enthusiasm, its still a slow boil, but it is his way. He always likes to stop and consider his next move. This is frustrating for me, I sometimes seesaw with decisions, but usually those are not important things, more like what to order on the menu. Something important is decided quickly and steadfastly.
I am pleased we are moving forward, albeit at his pace. I know I have to submit to his way, that's the whole point isn't it!
OH MY!
As expected, there were a few toys that got thrown out, that had old batteries in them, or just were starting to loose their integrity. None of the floggers, whips or paddles were broken tho. He had to check each one out just to be sure. (on my backside)
Then I got to choose what I wanted to play with! I chose the soft leather flogger (I know Im a wimp) and the soft cuffs. He chose the leather paddle also, cause he said, I was wimping out... (which I totally was)
We both loved it!
This was a few days back, I work as a carer, and am away from home 7 nights in a fortnight, so we haven't found more time to play again, but I know we will.
He found a shackle that he had made years ago, in the box that was not finished, Its wooden, and clips together to hold my wrists, like mobile stocks. It wasn't finished, he wanted to line it with leather and re stain it.
I noticed the other day he has started on this. This is a very good sign. It means he wants this as much as i do.
I really was worried, I was pushing something on him he no longer wanted. But I am glad to be pleasantly surprised by his enthusiasm. When I say enthusiasm, its still a slow boil, but it is his way. He always likes to stop and consider his next move. This is frustrating for me, I sometimes seesaw with decisions, but usually those are not important things, more like what to order on the menu. Something important is decided quickly and steadfastly.
I am pleased we are moving forward, albeit at his pace. I know I have to submit to his way, that's the whole point isn't it!
Monday, 6 July 2015
Red and warm and HEAVENLY!
I have had things rummaging through my head the last week or so. Sitting around healing has giving me plenty of time to think... I think I am an over thinker. (Im rolling my eyes at myself)
I think my hubby has finally got his kink back on. I am trying really hard not to harass him with my constant thoughts about it. I guess I am trying (and sometimes failing) to give him an opportunity to want it again, and not just because I want it.
We have had some interesting nights in the bedroom, the first time in a long time he has spanked me with any real force leaving a mark. Plenty of times he would smack my backside, but not really hard, and it was only once or twice. This time, he made it red and warm... AND HEAVENLY!!!
He was so cute after, all about the after care, concerned he had gone to far too soon... I'm thinking, YAY we are finally getting there. He was also concerned about my wound areas and play was a little restrictive.
We visited friends for dinner last night, and in the car on the way, out of the blue he started talking about rekindling his old BDSM friends and maybe going to munches again.
I know he is thinking about it, and we are getting there.
A Blogger that I follow (stalk) is PK, she has written a most fantastic and to the point letter to her husband, explaining how she feels and how she needs his help. I was floored as I read it, I was thinking, does she have a peephole into my life? She really could have written it for me to my husband, almost the entire thing is relevant, only a few points are different.
I say she could have written it for me, and not I could have written it, because I am no where near that good at getting what I need to say, across. Thankfully, PK has graciously said I can take some of her ideas and use them in my own letter.
You can read her letter here at elisnewbegginings.blogspot.com.au
Now I just have to pluck up the courage to put down my points, and give it to him, and open my own set of worms.
I think my hubby has finally got his kink back on. I am trying really hard not to harass him with my constant thoughts about it. I guess I am trying (and sometimes failing) to give him an opportunity to want it again, and not just because I want it.
We have had some interesting nights in the bedroom, the first time in a long time he has spanked me with any real force leaving a mark. Plenty of times he would smack my backside, but not really hard, and it was only once or twice. This time, he made it red and warm... AND HEAVENLY!!!
He was so cute after, all about the after care, concerned he had gone to far too soon... I'm thinking, YAY we are finally getting there. He was also concerned about my wound areas and play was a little restrictive.
We visited friends for dinner last night, and in the car on the way, out of the blue he started talking about rekindling his old BDSM friends and maybe going to munches again.
I know he is thinking about it, and we are getting there.
A Blogger that I follow (stalk) is PK, she has written a most fantastic and to the point letter to her husband, explaining how she feels and how she needs his help. I was floored as I read it, I was thinking, does she have a peephole into my life? She really could have written it for me to my husband, almost the entire thing is relevant, only a few points are different.
I say she could have written it for me, and not I could have written it, because I am no where near that good at getting what I need to say, across. Thankfully, PK has graciously said I can take some of her ideas and use them in my own letter.
You can read her letter here at elisnewbegginings.blogspot.com.au
Now I just have to pluck up the courage to put down my points, and give it to him, and open my own set of worms.
Sunday, 28 June 2015
Dinners Parties and Operations.
The last two weeks have been full on, with the next week looking to have me flat out on my back, and not in a good way!
I turned 40 last week, and my mum turned 65 and retired from work. So I had a modest dinner with friends on Friday night, but Saturday night it was a big party for my mum. Busy busy all week getting ready for the party, in between working, study, down time with this stomach infection, and organising the parties and dinner, I had little time left to spend with the person I really wanted to.
He has been very patient and understanding. Finally he is starting to feel a little bit more like himself on the new meds. At least I think he is. I have hardly spent any time with him. I was home from the party last night at 4am, and it was the first time we were alone and both awake in 5 days! It was nice to just chat to him.
Tomorrow I go in for stomach surgery, I will be in for at least one night, maybe two. Then I will be home recovering. Well at least I will be able to be home with my hubby, even if it will be very vanilla.
I want to stomp my feet at the world and cry out in frustration!! Deep breath, I can wait, its really not that long to wait, when I think we have the rest of our lives.
I turned 40 last week, and my mum turned 65 and retired from work. So I had a modest dinner with friends on Friday night, but Saturday night it was a big party for my mum. Busy busy all week getting ready for the party, in between working, study, down time with this stomach infection, and organising the parties and dinner, I had little time left to spend with the person I really wanted to.
He has been very patient and understanding. Finally he is starting to feel a little bit more like himself on the new meds. At least I think he is. I have hardly spent any time with him. I was home from the party last night at 4am, and it was the first time we were alone and both awake in 5 days! It was nice to just chat to him.
Tomorrow I go in for stomach surgery, I will be in for at least one night, maybe two. Then I will be home recovering. Well at least I will be able to be home with my hubby, even if it will be very vanilla.
I want to stomp my feet at the world and cry out in frustration!! Deep breath, I can wait, its really not that long to wait, when I think we have the rest of our lives.
Monday, 15 June 2015
Life before lifestyle
Its been a crazy few weeks. I have been sick, on antibiotics for a stomach infection, and they give me thrush! Ugh! I was at the chemist looking at the pro biotics, when I got the script filled. I should have got them.
I had an endoscopy today and have surgery booked for 2 weeks time. We had a friend stay for a week and we also had our annual Yule feast. It is always at our house, and I can tell you, feeding a 3 course meal to 16 adults and 5 kids whilst you are not 100% is no easy feat!
So we still haven't really had a good talk about it. But I refuse to let it fall by the wayside like it did all those years ago.
Part of the problem I faced last time was not being in touch with other submissives. I read a lot of adult erotica, based on BDSM lifestyle, and whilst I did find them very enjoyable, and a good source of knowledge and a help to see the different aspects. It was very bubble like. If we lived in a bubble and no "Life" got in the way, that would be a great way to live. I guess Im trying to say that I am now very appreciative to find the other blogs of submissives who actually tell their story, all of it, even the boring bits. Because its the boring bits, the mistakes, the arguments, the stress, that makes life up.
So to my bloggers that I stalk (I mean follow) thank you for being honest. It helps me believe that we can do this. Warts and all.
I had an endoscopy today and have surgery booked for 2 weeks time. We had a friend stay for a week and we also had our annual Yule feast. It is always at our house, and I can tell you, feeding a 3 course meal to 16 adults and 5 kids whilst you are not 100% is no easy feat!
So we still haven't really had a good talk about it. But I refuse to let it fall by the wayside like it did all those years ago.
Part of the problem I faced last time was not being in touch with other submissives. I read a lot of adult erotica, based on BDSM lifestyle, and whilst I did find them very enjoyable, and a good source of knowledge and a help to see the different aspects. It was very bubble like. If we lived in a bubble and no "Life" got in the way, that would be a great way to live. I guess Im trying to say that I am now very appreciative to find the other blogs of submissives who actually tell their story, all of it, even the boring bits. Because its the boring bits, the mistakes, the arguments, the stress, that makes life up.
So to my bloggers that I stalk (I mean follow) thank you for being honest. It helps me believe that we can do this. Warts and all.
Thursday, 4 June 2015
Did I ask too much?
Its not like I asked him if he wanted Pizza for dinner. I opened up my heart and my inner fears and told him what I have been craving for a very long time now.
He pushed it to the side, said he would think on it.
Is he too wrapped up in his own shit, and to sunk into the way things are to be bothered to change.
I really tried. Tried to be the submissive he wanted me to be all those years ago. I didn't ague, I did everything he asked, I differed to his judgement with everything. Its like he didn't even notice.
All the while I am still waiting on him to think on it.
I know he is unwell, he is changing his meds, and my health is up in the air at the moment, waiting on tests results, and a endoscopy next week. I am not up for being intimate at the moment, and I know he is not also.
But... I don't just want to submit to him, I want him to dominate me. I am not asking for ties, whips ropes clamps... well, maybe later when we feel better. I just want him to love me enough to pay attention to me, to want to dominate me. To want to feel in charge of me and enjoy it because he loves me.
Maybe he just doesn't want to anymore. I just wish he would be honest with me and tell me how he feels about it.
Feeling crappy today, and needed to vent. Tomorrow will be a better day. :)
He pushed it to the side, said he would think on it.
Is he too wrapped up in his own shit, and to sunk into the way things are to be bothered to change.
I really tried. Tried to be the submissive he wanted me to be all those years ago. I didn't ague, I did everything he asked, I differed to his judgement with everything. Its like he didn't even notice.
All the while I am still waiting on him to think on it.
I know he is unwell, he is changing his meds, and my health is up in the air at the moment, waiting on tests results, and a endoscopy next week. I am not up for being intimate at the moment, and I know he is not also.
But... I don't just want to submit to him, I want him to dominate me. I am not asking for ties, whips ropes clamps... well, maybe later when we feel better. I just want him to love me enough to pay attention to me, to want to dominate me. To want to feel in charge of me and enjoy it because he loves me.
Maybe he just doesn't want to anymore. I just wish he would be honest with me and tell me how he feels about it.
Feeling crappy today, and needed to vent. Tomorrow will be a better day. :)
Monday, 1 June 2015
I faced my fear of Him turning me down, He didn't. But....
It has been almost a week since we had "the discussion" It ended with me saying, so what do you want out of this, and Him saying, I will think about it. I guess he is still thinking. We continue to live our vanilla life, with the only changes seeming to be mine.
Ok... so that is a little exaggerated. It has only been 5 days. And if I am being completely honest, He is changing His mindset, but it is slow. SO SLOW! I want it all and I want it now! (how bratty is that)
So to be entirely truthful, we had "the discussion" Thursday night, Friday, he was very tired, and slept most of the day, a mix of over worked and under slept for the last 3 months with many commitments pulling Him in different directions, He finally finished the last of them, looked around and realized He had nothing left pressing on his time, so He slept. And slept, and slept.
I went out with my friends on Friday night. I usually go out with the girls once or twice a month, this time, I asked his permission. He looked at me funny and said, of course, then I think He realized that we were trying to change the dynamic of the relationship. He said, I'm not going to keep you locked up. So I went out and he slept.
Saturday night I was sick, I have a problem in my stomach that sent us to the hospital, I think it was more a storm in a teacup, but it put Him into protective mode, and he is still kinda there.
I say kinda, because last night, although tender and not really up to anything OTT, we played a little, just him restraining me and really going hard on my nipple, just one.. I feel a little lopsided today. It was good, it was a good start, I felt close to my pain limit a few times but wanted to keep going, I wanted to let Him take it as far as he wanted to. I wanted to submit to his will. But geez it made me hot!
Outside of the bedroom I have shown my submission at every opportunity. He on the other hand, has sat back on his haunches, so to speak. No commands, no requests. Perhaps he is sussing it out, perhaps he needs longer to get his head around it than I do. Perhaps I need to cut Him some slack, I have been thinking of this much longer than he has.
He did show dominance last night, when I was unwell and had a fever, he told me to go get a bottle of water and come to bed with it. It wasn't much, but the way he said it had me tingling inside. It was reminiscent to the old days. It was for my benefit, but it still was what I wanted to hear.
It has been almost a week since we had "the discussion" It ended with me saying, so what do you want out of this, and Him saying, I will think about it. I guess he is still thinking. We continue to live our vanilla life, with the only changes seeming to be mine.
Ok... so that is a little exaggerated. It has only been 5 days. And if I am being completely honest, He is changing His mindset, but it is slow. SO SLOW! I want it all and I want it now! (how bratty is that)
So to be entirely truthful, we had "the discussion" Thursday night, Friday, he was very tired, and slept most of the day, a mix of over worked and under slept for the last 3 months with many commitments pulling Him in different directions, He finally finished the last of them, looked around and realized He had nothing left pressing on his time, so He slept. And slept, and slept.
I went out with my friends on Friday night. I usually go out with the girls once or twice a month, this time, I asked his permission. He looked at me funny and said, of course, then I think He realized that we were trying to change the dynamic of the relationship. He said, I'm not going to keep you locked up. So I went out and he slept.
Saturday night I was sick, I have a problem in my stomach that sent us to the hospital, I think it was more a storm in a teacup, but it put Him into protective mode, and he is still kinda there.
I say kinda, because last night, although tender and not really up to anything OTT, we played a little, just him restraining me and really going hard on my nipple, just one.. I feel a little lopsided today. It was good, it was a good start, I felt close to my pain limit a few times but wanted to keep going, I wanted to let Him take it as far as he wanted to. I wanted to submit to his will. But geez it made me hot!
Outside of the bedroom I have shown my submission at every opportunity. He on the other hand, has sat back on his haunches, so to speak. No commands, no requests. Perhaps he is sussing it out, perhaps he needs longer to get his head around it than I do. Perhaps I need to cut Him some slack, I have been thinking of this much longer than he has.
He did show dominance last night, when I was unwell and had a fever, he told me to go get a bottle of water and come to bed with it. It wasn't much, but the way he said it had me tingling inside. It was reminiscent to the old days. It was for my benefit, but it still was what I wanted to hear.
Thursday, 28 May 2015
So I just asked!
So it turns out the easiest way was just to ask Him. I trust Him, I love Him, and I can only show that by being completely honest with Him. If I sat on my feelings for too long, then in a way I would have been deceitful by keeping my blog and my thoughts from him.
How could I ask him to by my Dom if I am not ready to submit. By submit I mean to lay my soul bare, and be honest.
So He said... That sounds like fun. LOL... I was not sure what I expected him to say. But I should have trusted in him to be ok with it.
He read my blog and agreed with how I summed up our life so far. That was good to hear, it means I was not the only one along for the ride, and we were experiencing this together.
So now what? I asked him to think about what he wants from this new arrangement. I guess I wait.
I explained that I find it easier to write this stuff down than to verbalize it. He agreed that he does sometimes too. So I am going to use this as a way of expressing what I can't say.
Topping from the bottom has always scared me. I think this fear contributed to us not communicating well the first time around. I still don't have the crux of it yet.
Slow and steady. Getting back into the mindset will take time for both of us.
I am really glad I took the plunge and asked him.... But I might want to change that answer after the first time I get my butt spanked!
How could I ask him to by my Dom if I am not ready to submit. By submit I mean to lay my soul bare, and be honest.
So He said... That sounds like fun. LOL... I was not sure what I expected him to say. But I should have trusted in him to be ok with it.
He read my blog and agreed with how I summed up our life so far. That was good to hear, it means I was not the only one along for the ride, and we were experiencing this together.
So now what? I asked him to think about what he wants from this new arrangement. I guess I wait.
I explained that I find it easier to write this stuff down than to verbalize it. He agreed that he does sometimes too. So I am going to use this as a way of expressing what I can't say.
Topping from the bottom has always scared me. I think this fear contributed to us not communicating well the first time around. I still don't have the crux of it yet.
Slow and steady. Getting back into the mindset will take time for both of us.
I am really glad I took the plunge and asked him.... But I might want to change that answer after the first time I get my butt spanked!
Wednesday, 27 May 2015
How do I tell the man I have loved for 13yrs and married 5yrs that i want to deepen our life together by going back to D/s.
13yrs ago I met my beloved on an online dating site. Lava life. I don't even know if it exists any more. The reason we went on that first date was because of the one thing we had in common. His dominance and my submission. He had been in the scene for quite a few years, with a few past D/s relationships. I had very little experience except for a few one night stands with other dominants, but nothing solid. But i knew what I was and what I needed.
He gave that to me, and we fell in love.
I have always been very independent financially and had been working full time for many years before we met. He had just lost his job, had major back injury and neck pain. So i supported Him financially and emotionally and I guess he stopped feeling like a dom.
That was one of the factors that lead us to say way too often "life before lifestyle". Until there was only life and no lifestyle left.
At the time of our D/s relationship he was in some ways strict but others not so much. It was confusing for me. We had rules (well I had rules to follow) but they were mainly around the sex side of things. We never sat down and worked out what we wanted outside of sex. He presumed one thing and I presumed another. When i bratted against something he wanted, rather than punishment, he would assume that it was a hard limit and drop it. I didn't know how to talk to him about it. We were a new couple and I was very new at the D/s lifestyle. He was also self conscious because of the finance and his disabilitating injuries.
So fast forward 11yrs and we live a very vanilla life. We still sometimes have kinky sex, but that is few and far between. Often I see that he misses it. He brought glow in the dark rope a few months ago and told me it's for me, but it hasn't come out of its wrapping yet. Our toy box got sticky taped up years ago in a move and has not been reopened. I am afraid it will be full of dust or cobwebs. Any thing with a battery will just need to be chucked.
Some aspects of our D/s time still stands. I always ask permission to come. I still defer to him alot. Thats about it though.
I know now when we fight its often me pushing my will when he wants to and feels like he has the right decision. I know we would be happier if he could control that will fullness in me in a way we both will appreciate.
So, just how do I ask him to be my Dom again?
13yrs ago I met my beloved on an online dating site. Lava life. I don't even know if it exists any more. The reason we went on that first date was because of the one thing we had in common. His dominance and my submission. He had been in the scene for quite a few years, with a few past D/s relationships. I had very little experience except for a few one night stands with other dominants, but nothing solid. But i knew what I was and what I needed.
He gave that to me, and we fell in love.
I have always been very independent financially and had been working full time for many years before we met. He had just lost his job, had major back injury and neck pain. So i supported Him financially and emotionally and I guess he stopped feeling like a dom.
That was one of the factors that lead us to say way too often "life before lifestyle". Until there was only life and no lifestyle left.
At the time of our D/s relationship he was in some ways strict but others not so much. It was confusing for me. We had rules (well I had rules to follow) but they were mainly around the sex side of things. We never sat down and worked out what we wanted outside of sex. He presumed one thing and I presumed another. When i bratted against something he wanted, rather than punishment, he would assume that it was a hard limit and drop it. I didn't know how to talk to him about it. We were a new couple and I was very new at the D/s lifestyle. He was also self conscious because of the finance and his disabilitating injuries.
So fast forward 11yrs and we live a very vanilla life. We still sometimes have kinky sex, but that is few and far between. Often I see that he misses it. He brought glow in the dark rope a few months ago and told me it's for me, but it hasn't come out of its wrapping yet. Our toy box got sticky taped up years ago in a move and has not been reopened. I am afraid it will be full of dust or cobwebs. Any thing with a battery will just need to be chucked.
Some aspects of our D/s time still stands. I always ask permission to come. I still defer to him alot. Thats about it though.
I know now when we fight its often me pushing my will when he wants to and feels like he has the right decision. I know we would be happier if he could control that will fullness in me in a way we both will appreciate.
So, just how do I ask him to be my Dom again?
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